A Sick Clown's Wish
by Teacup Biscuits
Summary: "Is this card, a Joker, your card, my sweet Alice?"
1. So-Called Best Friends

The Joker was lounging around in his Steel Mill, coughing wildly one minute and leaving his '_BFF_' Batman a message on his voicemail the next.

With a sigh, Joker dramatically said aloud to no one in particular, "I don't get it. Why can't Bats just answer my calls?" Following this was his typical hysterical laughter, which was then cut off by heavy coughs.

"Oh, Mister J, don't push yourself!" whined Harley Quinn. "Wouldn't want ya dyin' on me, now _would I_?" The way she said this made Joker a tad suspicious, but then he figured that there wasn't much Harley could possibly be without him other than a run-of-the-mill prostitute, so he let it slide.

Joker looked down at the phone he held and dialed Batman again. He was directed to voicemail once more, so he started to speak in a concerned tone of voice.

"Bats, come on! Don't ignore me. Don't tell me you've gone and _died_ on me. That'd be such a shame! Call me back once and a while before I get paranoid!"

When he hung up, Joker looked over at Harley to see that she was giving him a strange look. "What is it? Do I look worse?"

"I don't know why you bother with that jerk, Mister J." Harley complained. All she ever did was complain - at least, that's how it seemed to Joker as of late.

"Why, _Harley~_. He's the one person who truly understands me, and he always listens to what I've got to say whether he wants to admit it or not - now how could I not _love_ him for that?"

"But _I_ understand you! And I can give you _so much more_ than he can, can't I?"

"You're one to talk - in fact, you're talking me _to death_! Be quiet and talk again when you give me a cure. If you get a cure to me first, I'll kiss you. If not, then I suppose my lips will be saved for Batman."

Harley countered this with more whining, so Joker simply huffed and rubbed his brow. Harley could be so unamusing sometimes.

"Nag, nag, _nag_. And I _wondered_ why I don't like women so much."

The clown prince of crime and his girlfriend both stopped when suddenly someone stormed into the room and stood threateningly as a silhouette in the doorway - while this puzzled Harley, Joker could almost sense who it was without even looking.

"Ah, Batman! What a pleasant surprise! How on Earth did you even get in here? I've got this place locked down like Harley's bra!" He paused for a moment, placing a finger to his crimson-lipsticked lips. "... I answered my own question, it seems. Ha ha!"

Batman said nothing. He didn't even move.

"Oh come now, Bats - don't be so serious! Don't you even have a comeback?"

"Mister J, he's starting to creep me out..."

"Hush, Harley!" Joker looked long and hard at Batman, realizing quickly that the Dark Knight looked... different, so to speak, and was doing nothing but staring straight at him. "Batsy, old pal... What's with the new mask? It looks a little bit like a..."

"... Like a what, Mister J? ... Mister J?" Harley looked over at her love interest only to find him petrified. "Mister J, are you...?"

Joker suddenly jumped to his feet, which caused him to start coughing again. Before either of them could react, Batman had practically soared across the room. He grabbed the sputtering clown by the throat and lift him up into the air.

"Mister J! Let go of him, you big bru- _AAH_!" Harley stepped forward to attack Batman, only for the man to simply swat her away roughly enough to throw her into the wall and stun her.

"C-come on, Bats!" Joker choked. "You look like a _dork_ with that mask and those false teeth! It's not fair if you kill me like this! You're -" Joker coughed, kicking weakly and clawing at Batman's grip around his throat. "- not _yourself_! You breaking your one rule wouldn't count for much if _it's not you who broke it_, now _would it_?!"

Batman still said nothing, and Joker gazed at him with a smirk and one eye closed.

"Still, you would be traumatized if you killed me right now, wouldn't you? I can just picture it now... You lose control of yourself and you maul me until my poor old body just can't take it anymore. I die with one last laugh, and when you snap to your so-called _senses_, you realize you killed the only person who ever _needed_ you. _You break_. Everyone dies. _Happy ending_."

The Dark Knight tightened his grip on Joker's throat at these words, but still didn't make a sound. He turned around and started walking for the door.

"Oh, you wanna take me somewhere?" Joker asked hoarsely. "Why didn't you just say so? All you had to do was say '_please_'. You should know by now that I'd go _anywhere_ with you, Bats."

Harley stood up, though the blow from Batman had knocked the wind out of her so bad that her legs were wobbling. "Where are you going? Where are you taking my Mister J?! Come back here!" She yelled.

"See you, Harl! Keep your eye on those losers we hired while I'm away on my little date with Batman!" Joker's laughter filled the loading bay.

Joker was shifted in Batman's arms when the man pulled out his Batclaw, and he thought about imagining himself as some dumb broad, a damsel in distress clinging to her knight in a black cowl, but he was in too much pain to really go through with it. Instead, he simply let his mind wander on all the possibilities as to what Batman would do to him. _Kill_ him? _Torture_ him? _Inject_ him _with TITAN_? _Give_ him to _Two-Face_ or _Penguin_? _Give_ him to _Mad Hatter_ (this possibility seemed most likely given Batman's bizarre appearance, and also most dire to Joker for some reason)? Or something else?

Honestly, Joker was immensely curious, but all-in-all, he'd be okay with anything happening, just so long as he got to spend some much needed quality time with his beloved '_best friend_', Batman.


	2. Card Trick

The clown prince of crime wasn't actually entirely sure how he'd managed to dance his way into the scenario he was in. He was here, in the arms of his beloved arch-nemesis - the one and only Batman - _dying_, while Batman simply ignored him and kept on carrying him to whatever godforsaken place they were headed to.

Not that he was complaining. He actually much adored the way Batman was carrying him like they'd just married; like he was carrying Joker to a car set to go to a hotel, where they'd have a romantic dinner and leave a '_do not disturb_' sign on the doorknob before entering their hotel room together, hand-in-hand.

'_Naah, cut it out, me. No reason to plan everything out so soon in advance - he hasn't even popped the question yet! Planning would take the _fun_ out of everything._' He thought to himself and tried to snicker, but only managed to send himself into yet another coughing fit.

It wasn't long before Joker found out his hunch had been right - Batman was carrying him into the Mad Hatter's section of Arkham City.

"Oh, _hell_. Think you could drop me off here, Bats? I'd rather not see this freak right now."

Again, Batman refused to respond to Joker.

"... That freakish mask on your face. He's _controlling_ you, isn't he? I should've known. I feel stupid for not realizing sooner! So Hatter _wants_ me, is that it?"

"..."

"Can't you speak? Or has the rabbit strung your tongue around his ugly pocket-watch?"

"..."

"Bats, can you even _hear_ me? Do you have any idea what's going on? For God's sake, give me some sort of _sign_! A hand twitch! A slight mouth movement! A mumble! _Anything_!"

"..."

Joker reached up to smack the mask off of Batman, but the Dark Knight simply dropped him and caught his leg with the Batclaw before yanking him back up into his arms and continuing on his way.

"Was that supposed to _startle_ me, Bats? You're so predictable."

After a few more minutes of Batman gliding and performing acts of incredible agility, all with the light-weighted Joker laying weakly in his arms, he came to a brief halt and opened a door. He stepped inside, and next thing Joker knew, he was watching the Mad Hatter himself stand up from a table lined with hypnotized thugs and bow.

"Ah, Alice has _arrived_!"

Joker furrowed his brow. _Alice_? Where was _Alice_? _Here_? Since _when_?

"Sit, sit!" Hatter beckoned.

Batman placed Joker down in the chair parallel to Hatter across the long dining table before sitting in the closest chair to Joker's right.

"So what's the big idea? If you don't already know, I'm dying, so I'd really much rather have stayed back where I was-"

"Would you like to see a card trick?"

"... What have you done to Batman?"

"Oh, _that_! Don't mind that. He's _mine_ now."

"_Don't mind it_? You've taken my precious Batman and turned him into even more of a _freak_! Normally, I wouldn't be complaining... but breaking Batman's _my_ job, not yours!"

"I would like to show you a card trick."

Joker sighed. "I'm already bored by you. Get it over with."

Mad Hatter stepped up onto the table and knelt on one knee in front of Joker. He pulled out a handful of cards and spread them out, the back of the cards facing the ceiling. "Pick a card, any card."

Joker hesitantly reached out and plucked a card from Hatter's grip. He flipped it over and looked at it.

A joker. Just his luck.

He looked up at Hatter with his vibrant, yet currently bloodshot, green eyes as he slowly returned the card to the hand, while still keeping it hidden from him.

Hatter pulled out the rest of the deck and slipped the dealt hand in. He started shuffling, and took his sweet goddamned time in doing so, until he finally decided to get on with it.

"Is _this_ your card?"

Joker jumped a little when he saw the card had an image of himself on it. He paused for a moment, however, and realized that the card revealed to him was, in fact, not a card at all - it was a simple hand mirror. He stammered, wondering if perhaps this was a trick question.

A grin that made Joker feel sick to his stomach spread across Hatter's face. "Is _this_ card, a _Joker_, _your_ card, my sweet _Alice_?"


	3. Not Laughing Now, Are You?

"So... wait. _I'm_ Alice?"

Mad Hatter responded to The Joker's question with hysterical laughter. All of his hypnotized '_goons_', even Batman, mimicked him.

For once, the sound of laughter didn't excite Joker. In fact, it might have even scared him a bit.

'_Geez, this toxin in my blood must really be having serious effects on me - I'm mellowing out!_' Joker thought.

"Oh, Alice... So _clueless_." Hatter purred as he reached out and gently rubbed his fingers down Joker's cheek - over the clown's scars.

Joker calmly reached up and swatted his hand away. "Don't touch me."

"Tut, tut! Don't be _cross_ with me, Alice..." Hatter reached out again, but this time his hand went for Joker's green hair, grabbing it and tugging it.

"Hey, quit it! For someone so posh, I expected more manners than this! Don't you know it's not polite to bully a guest?" From his left pocket, Joker produced a small knife. He quickly swiped at Mad Hatter, but found this tactic to have been useless - Hatter equally as quickly disarmed him and got him around the throat, placing the blade against his neck.

In this little maneuver, Joker had ended up standing and facing Batman, whom he locked eyes with. For some reason, he expected his enemy to suddenly break through Hatter's control and save him or something.

Then suddenly, to his surprise, Batman stood up fast enough to knock his chair over.

"Move another inch and Alice's blood paints the walls, Batman." Hatter warned, making Batman freeze.

"Oh ho _ho~_, go ahead. My blood's _killing_ me, anyways!"

"I love your _sass_, Alice. It's very arousing."

"Wait... _what_?"

"You _heard_ me, my sweet..." Hatter nearly breathed this into Joker's ear.

Joker's face went blank as he tried to process what was being implied. "... I feel like a bit of a hypocrite by saying this... but you're _sick_. A real nutjob."

"I _love_ the sound of your _voice_..."

Joker furrowed his brow again. He wasn't necessarily liking the position he was in - his back was to Hatter, he had a knife to his throat, and he was too weak to fight if things took a step in any which direction.

The clown looked back at Batman, who hadn't moved a muscle. "Come on, tough guy. He won't go through with it. He's all talk. _Save_ me already!"

"He can't hear you, Alice."

"Oh, I think he can. He can always hear me when I talk to him. We have a connection like that. Don't we, Batsy?"

Batman's hands balled up into fists, and in response to this, Hatter pressed the knife a little closer to Joker's neck.

"What are you waiting for, Batfreak? If you let him do this to me, then you're no better than anyone else here, and I'll _really lose respect_ for you, you kn-" Joker coughed again.

"Oh, my sweet Alice... You're _suffering_. I see now why you want him to move - _you want me to put you out of your misery_."

"Let go of me, you psycho!" Joker shouted back, now beginning to squirm a bit. "Bats, _help_! Pretend I'm Robin or something!"

Batman didn't move.

Joker narrowed his eyes, now glaring menacingly at the Bat. "If you don't help me, I'll _kill everyone you care about_. NOW _MOVE_!" He roared.

Still, Batman remained frozen in place.

"Let's go, Alice... We'll be safe together in here." Mad Hatter started to drag Joker away. Joker was too stunned to even fight, and the last thing he muttered before the door closed and locked behind himself and the Mad Hatter was...

"... _Bats_?"


	4. Batman to the Rescue…?

It was the third scream belted out by The Joker that snapped Batman out of his trance. He took off the ridiculous mask that had been placed on his face and crushed it in his hand. He then turned to the door that Mad Hatter had carried his '_Alice_' into.

It had been the third scream of Joker's in particular to snap him out of Hatter's control because the scream had been cut short, was proceeded by a muffled '_Stop resisting_!', and was followed by silence from Joker.

Bruce hurried over to the door and tried to open it - locked, of course. He took a step back before slamming into it. No good. He tried again. "Joker!"

"Oh! Perhaps I gave you less credit than you deserve, Alice." Hatter said from inside the room. Batman expected to hear Joker make some sort of aggressive counter, but the clown prince of crime made no sound.

"Dammit!" Batman charged into the door once more, twice more, and then suddenly the door was opened before he smashed into it, causing him to stumble.

"Have you come to _watch_, Batman?" Hatter asked. Joker lay unconscious on the floor in front of him, and he had a hand on the clown's pants as if he were about to tug them off.

"Let Joker _go_, Jervis." Batman demanded.

"Or else what? Face it, Batman; you should be _glad_ I'm taking Alice off of your hands. Alice is _mine_ now. I know Alice will cooperate with me more once I give him one of my lovely hats. I've been saving the best one of all for my dearest Alice... It'll make him _mine_,_ forever_."

"I said, _let Joker go_. Don't make me hurt you."

"Oh, but Batman - you won't even be able to _touch_ me!" With a gesture, Hatter pointed out that all of his goons were now entering the room, ready to fight. Batman started fighting them solely out of necessity.

While Batman fought of his goons, Mad Hatter picked up the sickly Joker and made a break for it, which made Batman fight a little more brutally.

Once all of Hatter's goons were unconscious, Batman contacted Alfred. "Alfred, The Mad Hatter has kidnapped The Joker. He's determined to make him his protégé, and he might even kill him if he can't."

There was a brief pause of Alfred's side. "... Frankly, I do not see much of an issue in this, Master Wayne. Though I assume you will try to locate them?"

"Yes. I can't let Mad Hatter kill Joker, because then I'll have to deal with Harley - she'll be much too vengeful."

"Well, be _careful_, Master Wayne. Good luck."

"Thank you, Alfred." Batman stopped the call and stood where he was for a long moment, thinking about this. He was about to go off on a rescue mission to save The Joker, who had caused him so much anguish and even poisoned him, from The Mad Hatter. Was Joker really worth it?

Bruce shook his head. "It's not a matter of choice." He muttered to himself. "I cannot allow Jervis to kill another '_Alice_'."

With that, he ran out of Hatter's hideout and began his search for the psychopath and clown.


	5. What A Conundrum!

When The Joker began to come to, he found that he was dangling upside down, and began to laugh until he had to cough. He ended up coughing blood onto himself, but wasn't exactly unpleased by the fact.

Soon, the Mad Hatter, otherwise known as Jervis Tetch, walked in and waved a pocket watch in front of Joker's face.

"Hey~! Nice watch."

"You like it?"

"I'd like it better if you weren't flaunting it."

Hatter let out a snicker and pulled the watch back, giving Joker a slight shove to mildly disorient him.

"You and I both know that Batman will come to my rescue. So why don't you just let me go, and we can both take him down?"

"Intriguing offer, my dearest Alice... but I'm afraid I must refuse. I count on Batman's arrival. ... Look at you, Alice! You're in such disarray! I think we should get you cleaned up and in your best dress..."

Joker's smirk disappeared when the Mad Hatter tugged off the green bowtie that had been around his neck. "Wait, what are you doing? Get your filthy hands off of me, freak!" However, Joker was fairly powerless to stop him, as he was not only weak from his illness, but also had his hands restrained behind his back.

The Mad Hatter giggled triumphantly as Joker struggled against him, knowing that it was futile. After opening the clown prince of crime's shirt, he came to notice the problem before him. "Well, Alice, this simply won't do! I'll have to cut this suit off of you."

"Don't you _dare_!" Joker snarled, not even bothering to come up with a funny little joke to add to his protest. He knew that unlike with Batman, what Joker did and didn't say changed little when it came to Hatter, who didn't even seem to be listening to him to begin with.

"Ah, well, I suppose it can wait. In the meantime, I must do something about that makeup..."

When the Mad Hatter revealed a damp cloth shortly after, Joker kept moving his face away.

"Hold still, Alice!"

"Go to _Hell_, y-"

Both of them stopped for a moment when they heard a door slam.

"Whoever could _that_ be?"

"It's probably Batman. He's probably here to kick your ass and save me. About goddamned time, I might add!"

"You think I am the Bat? You must be more obsessed with him than I thought." said the voice of their mystery visitor, who was keeping himself hidden in the shadows. "It is _quite_ a laugh to see how far The Joker has fallen, though. Now you've become nothing but another one to the hat-lover's playthings, and Batman is too busy with my riddles to come to your rescue as you say he will."

Mad Hatter grinned and slowly turned toward the voice. "Oh, Alice. It appears the Cheshire Cat had made his _untimely_ entrance."

The figure stepped out of the shadows and revealed himself. "It is _I_ - Edward_ E. Nigma_."


	6. The Homicidal Artist's Quandary

Bruce Wayne - or rather, in this case, Batman - frantically looked around. He had to save the doctor that Riddler had kidnapped, and while the puzzle seemed simple enough (compared to what he knew Riddler was capable of), he had to solve it quickly - rescuing The Joker was, strangely, his top priority underneath saving an innocent life. Or was it _tied_? Batman was never sure anymore.

"Help me! Oh, God, please _help_ me!" screamed the doctor on the platform above Batman.

Using his "_Detective View_" to his advantage, Batman used his Batarang to hit Riddler's switches to turn off specific panels of the electrified floor, and was able to quickly solve the puzzle. He leaped off of the raising platform and glided over to the dangling platform that the doctor was on.

"Don't be _too_ proud of yourself, Batman." echoed Riddler's voice from nowhere and everywhere. "That was one of the _easy_ ones."

Batman scoffed under his breath and started to untie the nervous doctor's restraints.

"... _Bats_?"

Batman froze. His head jolted up to better hear. How on Earth was he hearing Joker in Riddler's transmission?

"Hey, Riddle-face - are you talking to Batman?"

"Be quiet, clown."

Batman narrowed his eyes. Did this mean that Riddler had Joker now, instead of Mad Hatter? He was a tad confused, he had to admit.

"Oh, yes. I've heard from the clown that he expects a rescue from you, is that right, Batman? Knowing you, I don't doubt it."

"Knowing him? You don't know him at all. I know everything about Bats."

"I don't doubt _that_, either."

"You'd better not. Hey, Nigma, come on - I thought we were _pals_!" Joker giggled.

"Be quiet!" Riddler snapped. "You're hogging all of Batman's attention, _Na_-..." He trailed off there. For once, Joker had no counter-argument; he seemed stunned speechless by whatever it was that Riddler was going to say.

"... What was that?"

"What was _what_?"

"Finish that sentence, pretty boy. What were you going to say? _Nay_, what?"

"You're pitiful, clown. I almost feel _sorry_ for you."

"What was it you were going to say?! _TELL_ ME!" Joker roared.

Batman and the scared-shitless doctor who was still tied to the chair heard the sound of Riddler leaving the room, making Joker's half-angry, half-desperate demands muffled underneath Riddler's speech.

"Well, Batman, back to the matter at hand. Just know that you will not be able to save any of my other hostages." He said this uncharacteristically fast and cut the transmission as Joker's yelling got louder in the background.

"Wh-what was that all about?" The doctor asked shakily when Batman finally untied him from the chair.

"Personal business. It doesn't concern you." was Batman's blunt answer.

* * *

Edward Nigma put the microphone down on the table and returned into the room where he had Joker tied to a chair. He'd managed to subdue The Mad Hatter and make off with his '_Alice_,' much to Joker's pleasure, as _he_ was said '_Alice_.'  
"You really don't know what I was going to say?" He asked.

Joker slowly raised his lowered head and spoke hoarsely, "Nope." While his voice hinted at depression, he spoke with his typical smile, over-exaggerated by his scars and red makeup. "But I do seem to be getting around tonight, don't I? Ha ha ha!"

Riddler only blinked with a disapproving look on his face. "At least you still remember _that_. Do you remember who had you?"

"That Alice In Wonderland nut. I'm not that stupid."

"I'm not calling you stupid, clown. I'm just pointing out how easily you forget things."

"Do I? Do I have a short-term memory, Riddle-lips? Please, do tell of how many holes are in my memory. Because you know me so well! Hee hee hee ha ha hoo ha _HA_!"

"Stop with that obnoxious laughter before I gag you."

"Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter? Ha _h_-" Joker cut himself off by bursting into another coughing fit.

"Well, that seems rather _ironic_, doesn't it?" Riddler muttered, making Joker giggle. Riddler turned away and sighed. "I _hate_ to see you like this, _N_-..."

"Ah! There we go again! You lead me on and turn me off. You shouldn't bait me like this, Nigma. You shouldn't tease the shark with blood and not expect to lose a limb or two."

"Sorry. I just keep forgetting who I'm speaking with."

"Just tell me!"

"You won't like it."

"Hmm. You know, it was hard to tell you were trying to please me with how you tied me to a goddamned chair. But than again, you never cease to amuse me. Spit it out, _Nashton_."

Riddler, with a slow exhale, walked closer to Joker. He knelt down so he was face to face with the clown prince of crime, his right hand on Joker's left shoulder and his cane - in his left hand - pressed against the floor beside the chair.

Joker's bloodshot green eyes locked with his own blue eyes. The lack of hostility in Joker's gaze was either a side-effect of his illness or, most likely, a show of his respect for Riddler; while they often bickered, the two of them were still rather close '_friends_.'

"Your memory is more faulty than you think, ... _Napier_."

Joker's smirk slowly transformed into a deep frown. His left eye twitched a bit, his left lid staying up, and his head gradually dropped back down.

Riddler sighed again and stood up straight in front of Joker. "I can only assume you remember now."

Joker soon started to laugh, though it wasn't the same as usual.

These were Joker's sobs.

He'd long since forgotten how to cry, so he simply did what he did best: _laugh_. Riddler was probably the only person who had ever heard Joker's sob-laugh, dismissing the existence of Harley Quinn. The only ways in which it could be considered different were by the tone... and then, of course, there was the dark makeup that was beginning to streak down Joker's cheeks.

"I'll leave you be for a moment." Riddler mumbled. He hesitantly left the room, and the last thing he heard from Joker before he closed the door was his confused, piteous weeping.

"My face... My _face_..."


	7. A Confusing Show of Affection

"I don't know if it'll cheer you up or not, Napier, but I know who Batman is."

Joker looked up at The Riddler, who was crouched in front of him. "... You do?"

Riddler nodded and opened his mouth to spill the beans.

"Don't tell me."

"Hm?"

"Where's the fun in that? I don't wanna know who Bats is."

"Are you sure you're not just worried that if you find out his name, you'll kill everyone he loves?"

Joker let out a small laugh, if it could even be called that. "I'd have to kill myself then, wouldn't I? Let's just keep it undisclosed."

"Well... Who do you _think_ he is?"

Joker shrugged. "I don't really care. Batman is Batman. Whoever he is under that goofy mask isn't."

Riddler furrowed his brow a bit at Joker's surprisingly-sane reasoning. He supposed it had to do with the mellowing effect Joker's past had on his behavior, and that the next time the clown slept, it'd wear off and he'd come running back to Riddler for the answer to the biggest riddle either of them had ever come to know.

"What's that face for, Nigma?"

"Nothing. I just like this side of you, that's all."

"What, the side that doesn't like to laugh? That's a rare one. You should feel special." Though it was a joke, Joker mumbled this in monotone.

"I do."

Joker, with his makeup smeared on his face, drowsily looked up at Riddler. "You do?"

"With you? _Always_."

* * *

Batman kicked open the door to an apartment that Mad Hatter had apparently been seen entering. Thus, it wasn't seeing Mad Hatter inside that surprised Batman - it was the state he was in.

Hatter was gagged and beaten, and he was tied down to the bed in the corner of the room. Batman walked over and tore off the gag.

Hatter snarled at him, "He stole my Alice."

"Who took Joker?" Batman demanded the answer.

"The Cheshire Cat."

"Was it The Riddler?"

"Yes."

Batman turned to storm out.

"Hey, wait! Aren't you going to untie me?"

"You'll find a way." That said, Batman flew out of the apartment. He'd have to find Riddler now, it seemed. He was frustrated by that development, but was fine to go through the riddles, when suddenly...

"Incoming call from The Joker." His portable Batcomputer within his suit announced that Joker was calling him. Quickly, he tapped into it, and was almost compelled to speak, but held it back.

That was when the music started to play in the background of the call.

"_I know~_...  
"_someone who _wants_ you~_...  
"_Guess who~, gue~ss _who...  
"_He wonders, Bats, if you want him too~_?  
"_Do you~_?  
"_He'd love to hold you in his arms_,  
"_and whisper in your~ ear~_,  
"_and tell you just_,  
"_how grand you are_,  
"_and ju~st how much he ca~res_.  
"_I know~_...  
"_someone who _loves_ you~_...  
"_Guess who~, gue~ss _who...  
"_A~and loves those little sweet things_,  
"_you sa~y_,  
"_and do~_...  
"_I try to tell you in my song_;  
"_can't you play a~long_?  
"_The one who loves you_, _Ba~atman_...  
"... _is_ me..."

Batman stood still, confused and stunned by Joker's singing, yet at the same time, not exactly surprised.

"Isn't it nice of Riddler to let me get in touch with you like this? Maybe I should be singing this to _him_. What do you say, ... _Bruce_?" Just like that, the call cut to silence. Joker had hung up.

Batman was shaken to the core by that one, last word - his name.  
Joker knew his name now.  
It wasn't particularly the knowledge that Joker knew his real name that scared him so bad; it was the concern of _what he'd use it for_.


	8. I'm Going Mad

When Batman arrived at Arkham City's steel mill, he expected to find Joker. However, he hadn't expected to see Harley Quinn bound and gagged, hidden away in a corner he happened to run into.

The Dark Knight reached out and tore off the duct tape on her lip.

"I ain't tellin' you _nothin'_!" She immediately shouted.

"Did Joker do this to you?" Batman asked, ignoring her protest.

"No!" However, despite shouting this, she nodded a bit.

"Is he still here?"

"I'm not saying anymore!" Again, she allowed herself to nod a little. "Wait... Wait, what are y-" She was cut off when Batman put the little piece of tape back over her lips.

Batman soon found himself in the loading bay of the rundown steel mill. Jumping up, he made is way into the manager's office, where Joker was typically holed up.

"Ah, welcome back, Batman." said Joker, who sat calmly in his chair which was parallel to where Batman was currently standing.

"Why did you tie Harley up?"

"How come it's always straight down to business with you? Whatever. I tied her up because she was annoying."

There was something in Joker's tone that was striking Batman as odd - he didn't entirely sound like himself.

"What's the matter with you, Batsy?"

"I should be asking you that."

"What's the matter with me? What's the matter, with _ME_? Why, Batsy... You should know better than anyone _what's the matter_ with _me_." Joker said as he slowly stood from his chair.

Batman said nothing, prompting Joker to continue.

"What's the matter with me is that you and I are so much alike, and yet you refuse to see it."

"We are nothing alike."

"We are, though! I act, you act."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you pretend to be that bat freak who has an obsession with beating people up, and clowns, and I pretend to be that clown freak who has an obsession with killing people, and bats."

"You're not pretending."

"Aren't I? I've become what you wanted me to be. What you wanted me to be when you let me fall, so that you could alleviate some of the guilt. Was there any guilt, Bruce? Any sleepless nights, thinking that you'd _killed_ a man and broken your one rule?"

"It was an accident." Batman mumbled. He cringed a little inside at how pathetic he sounded, but he couldn't help it - this was a delicate subject with him, and it made him feel almost helpless. Almost like he had when he was a kid, when...

"There is no such thing as an _accident_, Bruce. Admit it, you made a mistake, and you regret it, because the moment our eyes locked, there was undoubtedly a connection. You can't deny that."

Batman lunged forward and tightened his fingers around the collar of Joker's grungy purple suit jacket, hoisting him up off of his feet a little.

"You're going crazy, Brucie. You see, I'm not really here. I suppose the hallucinations I mentioned earlier are finally beginning to set in with you, huh?"

"What did Riddler do to you?"

Joker seemed puzzled for a moment. His Glasgow grin was the only smile on his face for a few seconds, but then he smiled naturally, enhancing the scars. "Riddler? Why would Riddler do anything to me? He loves me - even _shows it_ more than _you_ do. But I know he doesn't love me _as much_ as you do."

There was that word. Love. Batman had a hard time wrapping his mind around it, coming from Joker.

"Why? Are you _jealous_, Batsy? Don't be. I don't love him back, at least, not as much as I love _you_."

"Why w-..." Bruce cut himself off, realizing a little too late that it was more like Batman to say nothing in response to this.

"Why would I love you? Well, let me try to list the reasons... You complete me. And even if you don't show it, I can tell that I complete you, too."

For a moment, both of them were quiet, staring into each other's eyes. Looking into Joker's eyes, Batman noticed something that perhaps only he could notice - there was a look in Joker's eyes, or more specifically, a lack of said look. He looked... almost emotionless, despite the characteristic grin on his face. There was no insanity to be seen, yet at the same time, no _sanity_ to be seen, either.

However, fear suddenly appeared in those green eyes after a coughing voice bellowed nearby, and with it, Joker tensed up, his grin turning to a violent frown.

"Harl? Harley, koff koff, Harley, you in here?"

Batman found himself petrified. Here he was, holding a mortified Joker up in front of him... and yet, he was hearing a much more Joker-sounding Joker in a different room, beckoning for Harley. Was the Joker in front of him right? Was he going crazy and just hallucinating this?

In the midst of the stunned silence, the Joker in Batman's grip suddenly kicked wildly, making Batman release him, and then bolted. When Batman ran after him, he found no one in the room, and an open window. Looking outside, he saw that Joker was nowhere to be seen.

Bruce cursed under his breath. There was still one last thing he had to check. Rushing out, he dived out of the manager's office and went back to where he had left Harley, to find her staring with uncertainty at Joker, who knelt in front of her with this confused expression on his face.

"Joker?" Batman muttered.

Joker looked up at him. "I don't suppose you saw who did this to my Harley, did you?"

"I might have."

"Really? Who?"

"I'm looking at him."

Joker paused for a moment. "... Nice try, Batsy, but I only just got here. Even ask Riddler. Even ask Harley. Right, honey? Ha ha ha!"

Harley, however, didn't move. She only blinked at Joker, whose quick smile swiftly disappeared.

"_Right_?"

Slowly, she shrugged.

Joker turned his attention back to Batman. "You saw _me_, you say?"

"Yes, but... It wasn't _you_."

"You don't say?" Joker laughed a little.

"We heard _you_, and then _he_ took off. I tried to go after him, but he was gone."

"Why are you here, anyways, Bats?"

"I got a call from you. You called me by..." He trailed off.

"By what?"

"... By my real name." Batman said hesitantly. If Joker already knew, there was no real reason for him to hesitate, but...

Joker blinked a few times. "_I_ don't know your real name, Bats. Riddle-face offered to tell me, but I refused. I don't want to know who you are, Batman - that would ruin the fun!" The clown prince of crime's grin returned to his face.

"Then who was it?" Batman growled.

"Oh, I know _who_ it was. I'm just trying to figure out whether or not I should tell you. Hmm, this really does mess up a lot for me, doesn't it... Wish I could've told him not to say anything to you, but I've got no way to contact him right now. I lost my phone when you kidnapped me, see."

"He called me from that phone."

Joker appeared to go pale, though it was hard to tell with the horrible condition of his skin and how it was already pure white to begin with. "You mean he has it? ... That's not good. That's not even funny."

Batman quietly stared down upon Joker, while Harley's gaze shifted from both of them as she impatiently waited for one of them to release her from her bindings.

"Well, Bats... I need to stop him. But frankly, I don't think my men have the capability to do that, and, well, I'm _dying_." Joker stopped for a moment. "Hee hee... And, uh... heh, so are you. But you're doing better than me, wouldn't you say? Ha ha h-" Joker broke into another coughing fit.

"Get to the point." Batman demanded harshly.

"I suppose what I'm trying to say is... I need you to do me a _favor_."


End file.
